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How to protect marriage?

January 13, 2013  •  1 Comment

The increasing rate of divorce among Muslims is quite alarming and it's quite saddening to see Muslims incapable of comprehending the moral wisdom behind marriage and its sanctity. Even if divorce is allowed, it should be used as a last resort. In North America, California ranks highest with a 37% rate of divorce and New York, Ontario, and Texas follow closely with a 30% rate. Compared to the overall rate of divorce in the U.S. (49%) and Canada (45%). When increasing number of Muslims decide to put an end to their marriage, it means that increasing number of Muslims fail to reap the good fruits of marriage, which, on a deeper level, effects not only the two individuals, their siblings but the whole society.

As Wedding Planner, we do have observed a surge in breaking of marriages at every step. It's very sad to witness that the young couple who initiate wedding process with zeal and zest end up in few months. This painful reality necessitate research on this subject which is infecting the whole society. We as Muslim can always seek guidance from Quran and Sunnah. But in this blog, I will presents extracts from Judy Starr's books " The Enticement of the Forbidden" on the subject of fidelity and trust in marriage.  Judy is a Christian author and speaker, whose outreach is predominantly towards women. She herself  narrowly escaped from marital disaster and urges women to guard their hearts and to be serious about moral purity. I am listing her suggested eight steps and pray you find these helpful in building the walls necessary to protect your marriage through developing habits that build walls of protection around our marriage.

Judy Starr wrote: {Quote, end quote}

1- Protect your marriage through daily times with God. I cannot emphasize strongly enough that your personal, daily time with the God builds an enormous wall of protection around your marriage. Time with the God each day immediately impacts your relationship with your spouse. When you fail to meet with God, your heart becomes hardened to the God and to His truths. And once that snowball of sin begins rolling, your marriage is instantly endangered. But as you cling to Him each day, you will confess sin and continue to grow in Christ's likeness. As you keep God in His rightful place, not only will your marriage experience dramatic differences, but all of your relationships will be affected.

2- Protecting your marriage by safeguarding your relationships with other men. You should never spend time alone with a man other than your husband. This included sports activities. Many an affair has started with the "harmless" act of a pleasant evening jog together. If your husband can't participate in the activity with you, do it alone, do it in a group (preferably of women), or not at all.

3- Protect your marriage through boundaries in the workplace. If ever a situation needed solid protective walls firmly entrenched around it to prevent infidelity, the workplace is it. Such protection requires predetermined decisions, all maintained through accountability to your husband and to other women. The practices of establishing an invisible wall and refraining from personal contact and conversations with other men are utterly critical. Without predetermining to follow these safeguards, you will effectively set yourself up to fall.

4- Protect your marriage through discretion in clothing. Men become easily aroused sexually by the stimulation of sight. Therefore, what we wear is very important. To attract men to you sexually by the clothing you choose is to defraud them because you cannot (or should not!) fulfill the desire you arouse.

5- Protect your marriage by guarding your eyes and ears. As for all of the Christian life, the key to guarding our eyes and ears is for each of us to remain sensitive to the Holy Spirit. We must take care to not engage in anything that draws our thoughts and hearts away from the God and from our husbands. By guarding what we see and hear, we keep impurity out and strengthen the walls around our marriage.

6- Protect your marriage by guarding against the lure of the Internet.  Any married woman seeking to fulfill her emotional needs through an Internet relationship must realize that her pursuits will lead only to heartache and enormous disappointment. Genuine godly love—the desire of every heart—can be found only in a committed relationship based on unconditional love. And though an Internet love relationship may be based on fantasy, virtual infidelity causes actual pain. The devastation to the spouse can be just as painful as if the partner had been involved in a sexual affair. The broken trust and the regrets are just as difficult to repair.

7- Protect your marriage by spending time together. One of the best guards against infidelity comes from having your emotional needs met within your marriage. That means sticking to the plan of spending time alone together each week! Unless we purposefully protect that time, all of life's little "urgent" needs will undermine our marital intimacy like termites that slowly eat away the foundation of a house. What can be more urgent than protecting your marriage?

8- Protect your marriage through accountability. Accountability to a mature godly woman [is] invaluable…Accountability may be the key issue that makes or breaks our faithfulness to God and to our spouse.

These eight crucial practices will strengthen and fortify the walls around your marriage. God may also show you other safeguards that are equally as important for your life and your particular vulnerabilities.

We look forward to get your point of view on the subject, "How marriages can be protected?"


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